July 1962 American ModelerTable of Contents
Aeromodeling has seen significant changes over the decades both in technology and preferences. Magazines like American Aircraft Modeler, American Modeler, and Air Trails were the best venues for capturing snapshots of the status quo of the day. All copyrights are hereby acknowledged.
A.J. Robinson's comic humor graced the pages of the July 1962 edition of American Modeler. The only difference between the 'birds' of then and the birds of today is the description of the radio control operator (we no longer bush buttons for commanding our aircraft). Enjoy.
Bird Watchers! New Species from Canada
By A.J. Robinson
The Bleary Eyed Panic Builder...
This sad bird spends all winter complaining about the weather and never pauses long enough to build any models. On the day before a contest he starts building frantically and is seen at his best about four-thirty in the morning, still building.
His creations usually look more like a kindergarten finger painting exercise than a model aircraft and have occasionally been known to fly.
His familiar cry is "Youshouldahelped, youshouldahelped, youshouldahelped."
The Button Pushing Clunk Head...
This lofty creature scorns the simple pleasures of free flight or ,U-control for the higher things in life, such as radio. Since such tasks as battery testing, escapement winding, or range checking detract from his hours of pleasure they are ignored. He is shown in characteristic pose, having just realized that his batteries are dead, his escapement is weak, his transmitter isn't tuned, and his $60 ship has three quarts of fuel aboard.
He is envied for his muscular index finger developed, not as generally supposed by button pushing, but by the frantic way he rips the price tag off new equipment before venturing into his nest.
He is an ancestor of the "Greater Greenbacked Multi Maker" and has a call something like "itshouldaworked, itshouldaworked, itshouldaworked."
The Knuckle Headed Finger Snapper...
This bird likes large souped-up engines and, in order to prove who's boss, floods them up and flicks on regardless. On the way to the hospital he can be heard uttering his wailing cry of "Omyfinger, omyfinger, omyfinger."
The Thermal Snatching DT Hater...
This healthy bird spends weeks building each free flight model but hasn't time to incorporate a fuse or timer. At dawn on contest days he snags a thermal and promptly disappears over the horizon in pursuit of his pride and joy, returning empty handed just as the contest closes.
Because of his unusual running style - head straight up and hands clasped in prayer - he can frequently be found face down in muddy ditches, snow drifts or fertilizer heaps, sobbing softly.
His heart rending cry is "Iwishlhaditback, lwishIhaditback, lwishIhaditback."
The Greater Bellied U-Controller...
This strange bird, a product of North America. is seen and heard in flying fields across the nation. He likes long flights but is unable to manage a walk exceeding the length of his lines, and never more than 72 feet. He is easily recognized by his raucous call of "mindthelines, mindthelines, mindthelines"
The Tangle Brained Rat Racer...
This mixed-up bird builds funny little models with large engines, small wings and no shape. When not being flown they are used to stir up cans of dope which have become too thick to brush. Some of this clings to the model until it is removed using hot fuel and strange swear words.
On contest days they spend the morning running engines in front of the contest director's microphone while arguing about the rules. lmmediately the event is called extra time is requested in order to warm up. Once everyone is at the right temperature they coagulate in the center of the circle and indulge in an arm waving orgy.
Their cry varies from bird to bird but is usually something like: "Startyoubas-, startyoubas-, startyoubas-".
Posted July 13, 2014